heat_miser_i9mm ([info]heat_miser_i9mm) wrote,
2005-09-29 22:08:00
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I'm Glad Boone Is Dead

I'm Glad Boone Is Dead
a poem by H. Tiberius Miser

I'm glad is Boone is dead,
Cause that dumb fuck was useless,
In love with his sister,
He's one guy I won't miss.

I mean really, c'mon,
What role did he play?
Jack is the hero,
And Hurley is gay.

Okay maybe not gay,
But that dude sure is fat,
I'd be quite upset,
If HE was knocked flat.

Locke is the bad guy,
And Sawyer the rebel,
Kate's fucking hotness,
And not quite on the level.

Charlie's pretty funny,
For a twirp in a hoody,
I have Yellow Fever,
So Sun gives me a woody.

Claire is the new mom,
And Jin the wife beater,
Saeed's an Iraqi,
Saddam was his leader.

See all of these people,
Make the show pretty cool,
But that dumb pissant Boone,
Was a thick-eyebrowed tool.

He dug stuff for Locke,
And carried bundles of sticks,
He was a motherfucking lifeguard,
And someone drowned on Day Six.

I hated that fucker,
And cheered when he died,
But with his last moments,
He told Jack Locke lied.

So even in death,
He was fucking shit up,
I want him killed again,
So dig the fucker up!

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  • 7 comments

[info]epicmanifesto

September 30 2005, 07:09:16 UTC 6 years ago

Fucking brilliant.

[info]ex_issue9mm

September 30 2005, 13:23:04 UTC 6 years ago

That was so impressive I'm going to post it in my journal and pretend that I came up with it.

[info]charlysays

October 11 2005, 19:17:24 UTC 6 years ago

Fuck you. Boone was one of my favorites.

[info]heat_miser_i9mm

October 12 2005, 18:14:44 UTC 6 years ago

I CAN'T POSSIBLY IMAGINE WHY CHARLY WOULD LIKE A USELESS INBREEDING WHINY PUSSY-WHIPPED BITCH WHO BASICALLY JUST LIVED IN THE SHADOW OF HIS MORE IMPRESSIVE EVIL MENTOR 24/7, CAN YOU DUBB?

[info]charlysays

October 12 2005, 22:54:10 UTC 6 years ago

Are you insinuating I'm a pussy-whipped bitch? You're the one married to the cheating whore. I'm just a fan of rosy-cheaked metrosexual actor Ian Somerhalder, and was enjoying Boone's self-discovery immensely until they killed him off. It was a waste of potential, and now his sister is rendered extra irritating and redundant.

[info]heat_miser_i9mm

October 13 2005, 14:07:43 UTC 6 years ago

Boone's self-discovery was dreadful. He loves his sister. He takes crap from her. He and Locke find the hatch. He wigs out in the forest. Locke tells him to forget her. He does. He becomes a little shifty.

Wow. What an incredible character arc.

He was the same fucking character at the end, only instead of being whipped by Shannon he was whipped by Locke.

I do agree that Shannon is now redundant, but I never thought she was a terribly interesting character to begin with. I mean, they have her babysitting the dog, that's how second string she's become. I hope she's next.

[info]charlysays

October 13 2005, 20:13:17 UTC 6 years ago

Shannon has become terminally unlikable and uninteresting. She was brought onto the show with Boone, and they both needed the other to flesh out their characters. When Boone died, things were just starting to get really interesting, and the development that had been done was completely wasted.

Ignoring your petty sarcasm, Boone's self-discovery was a good arc. I loved the episode in which Boone hallucinated the death of his stepsister, and he did change after that (it was just a shame he died before we were allowed to find out exactly how much). He wasn't whipped by Locke, although yes, Locke was a mentor figure for him. So Boone wasn't a central figure, like Jack or Kate or Locke, but I liked him a lot.
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